If you are a parent with a child aged anywhere between 16 and 21, you will know what June means: exams, and all the stress that comes with them. We’ve all sat exams, and we know how daunting they can be. A measure of anxiety is understandable and to be expected, but for many children, the pressure can be too much, leading to problems like anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and burnout. This is something I have seen come up frequently as a counsellor in Basingstoke and online in recent times.
As a parent, your intentions are, of course, grounded in love, but often we can make things worse for our children without even knowing it. To help you give the right kind of support to your child during this time, here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this stressful time.
Don’t Be Stressed Yourself!
If you, as a parent, find yourself demonstrating visible signs of stress and panic over your child’s examinations, how do you think that would make them feel? How can you expect your child to remain calm and focused if you can’t manage either as an adult? Doing so will create a feedback loop of anxiety that only makes the entire situation worse. Showing yourself to be calm, supportive, and in control of yourself will rub off on your child. As parents, we are always setting an example, and this is particularly important when it comes to managing the levels of stress in the home during exam season.
Encourage Them To Take Breaks
There are some children who revise hard for their exams. And then there are those who revise like their entire life depends on it. Revision consumes them; they quite literally do nothing else, shutting themselves off from the outdoor world to the point where they forget to drink or eat. This is quite a common occurrence, and it can lead to burnout, high levels of anxiety, or even depression. As a parent, it is important to remind your child that breaks aren’t just helpful - they are in fact necessary for the best possible performance in exams. Arrange small activities - going for a walk, going to a cinema, etc. - that bring them out of their autopilot state.
Remember: It’s Not the End of the World!
If you have a child who is not revising as hard much as they could be, or not revising at all, there is a tendency among parents to berate them, impose rules, and make them feel like they’re not doing enough. Most of the time this has an adverse effect; children, as you would know, tend to do the opposite of what their parents say! Piling a load of pressure on them can be counterproductive; it doesn’t do them any good. If they don’t want to revise for these their exams, that’s ultimately their choice, as they alone have the power to motivate themselves. In these cases, it is important to remember that bad exam results don’t signal an end to the world. And the same can be said to those children who are revising extremely hard. Take the pressure off by reminding them that these exams will not define who they are – nor will they even seem important a few years from now.
If either you or your child needs some help talking through the stresses of exam season, I am here to offer friendly, confidential counselling in Beaconsfield Basingstoke and online and can offer a space to talk through your stresses and discuss your worries in a way that suits you. Feel free to get in touch with me at any time.