Attachment theory is something I regularly incorporate into my work as a counsellor in Basingstoke and online. Most clients are unaware of what it really means, and some can be intimidated by the term, but attachment theory is nothing to be scared of. It is something we should embrace, such is its importance and value to psychodynamic theory. But what actually is it? This blog post walks you through everything you need to know about attachment theory.

Put simply, attachment theory is about the early relationships and bonds we have with people (generally our caregivers) and how these relationships lay the template for the way we relate to other people, the wider world, and ourselves. First developed by British psychologist John Bowlby, attachment is understood as the emotional bonds that we develop at a young age. Primary caregivers who are emotionally attuned and responsive to their child’s needs enable that child to develop a sense of security, which in turn lays the template for the child to explore the world with confidence.

However, if that emotional attunement isn’t there at a young age, the child receives a different message: namely, that their needs aren’t important, and that people cannot be trusted. This feeling sustains itself into adult life and shows up in one’s relationships with others. They have low self-esteem, always expect the worst, and struggle to maintain stable, healthy relationships - either with romantic partners or friends.

Of course, there are other factors at play when it comes to determining the emotional wellbeing of adults, by research has emphatically shown that the nurturance and responsiveness of our primary caregivers between birth and the age of around three has a powerful direct influence on our behaviour, thoughts, feelings, and development in later life.

As attachment theory continued to develop, it was determined that our early life experiences lead to us having one of four different types of attachment, which are as follows:

Ambivalent Attachment 

Due to poor levels of parental availability, these children become deeply distressed by a perceived abandonment, and as such refuse to depend on people to be there for them. They keep people at arm’s length and struggle to maintain close relationships, particularly with romantic partners.

Avoidant Attachment 

Avoidant attachment shows up with people who tend to avoid parents, caregivers, and other authority figures. This is often due to abusive or neglectful caregivers. These children learned at a young age that they will be punished for relying on a single individual for their emotional wellbeing, meaning they are reluctant to place too much importance on any one individual.

Disorganised Attachment 

This usually comes when a child has a parental figure with inconsistent levels of emotional attunement. Parents can stimulate both comfort and fear, which ultimately causes disorganised behaviour - sometimes confused, sometimes certain; sometimes warm, sometimes cold. These people may resist connection or crave it.

Secure Attachment 

The most common attachment style. Securely attached children feel comfortable showing affection and receiving affection from people in their life, along with seeking assurance and support at times of distress. They will, of course, be upset when separated from people who are important to them, but they will also gladly welcome them back when they return.

If you are curious to learn more about attachment theory and your own particular attachment dynamics, I am here to offer personalised, strictly confidential counselling in Basingstoke and online. Don’t hesitate to give me a call whenever you like!